I forgot to burn guilt.

A couple of months ago, I went out for lunch with a yoga student from work.  It seems as though he enjoys asking people random ethical questions, but somewhere down the digressed conversation line we ended up talking about guilt.  And I was struck by this realization that I have an issue with guilt.  The sushi was gone and I ended up staring off into the far reaches of space until he asked, “Do you not want to talk about this anymore?”  No, not so much. 

I have been struggling with the idea of having self worth issues.  I was being told from all angles ,”you need to know your self worth Lara” or “you have some self worth issues to work out”  or ” it sounds like this is a matter of a distorted self worth”.

Sorry friends, that’s not it at all.  I am very much aware of my self worth.  I know who and what I am, and that I am pretty much invaluable.  I don’t however, treat myself accordingly, and therein lies the problem.  I don’t really take care of myself.  Not physically, not emotionally, not really even spiritually.  And the guilt that comes along with not doing all of the things I “should” be doing is enormous.   I also tend to feel a strong responsibility or obligation towards action in situations that don’t even involve me.  For instance, I have a roommate who is short on funds because her hours were cut back at work.  I feel bad for letting her by me a drink the other night.  I feel bad that I haven’t tried to help her find another job.  I could go on and on and on.

So now I am toying with a new idea.  Its difficult for me to grasp, but maybe, just maybe ….. everything is not my fault.   Ooooh my.  If I could somehow detach myself from these feelings of responsibility, oooh how light I would feel.  I am torn though.  I cant get rid of all attachment.  That would mean ignoring the natural empathy and compassion I feel for others, which I admit causes some guilt on my part as well.  I need to learn how to separate.  How can I feel compassion and empathy for others without piling guilt on my shoulders for the situations that they are in?  My acupuncturist boss keeps telling me “don’t feel your clients pain”.  In other words, you can heal and help without taking their problems on to you.  How to do this though….. I’m not sure.

Oh right, and the point of the posting title….  I had a Cleansing ritual at the house last night.  It went swimmingly.  I have people write down everything they dont require to have in their heads anymore.  Negative energy, bad thoughts, things that no longer serve you.  Its a Negativity burning ritual.  Well, I filled up an entire sheet of paper, tore it up and burned it away.  I forgot however to burn guilt.